its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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