i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
