dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
