Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
