It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize