I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
