she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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