I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
