Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
