I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
