Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
