Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
