i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
