its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize