if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
