he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize