Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
