It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
