if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
