Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
