it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
