its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
