I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
