i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
