Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
