New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
