I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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