Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
