Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
