i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
