I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
