My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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