You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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