somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
