next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize