i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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