Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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