70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
