This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
