A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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