You really coming over, don't trick.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
