so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
