The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
not ubering you a puppy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
