This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone signed my nipple.
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