why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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