lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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