So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
