I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
