So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
