I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
