so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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