got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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