Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
