Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
