According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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