You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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