If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
