I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
