she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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