In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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